Saturday, 10 October 2009

Neurosis bingo!

This post first appeared on my Red Room profile

For something that's meant to be relaxing, sleeping can be incredibly hard work. There's no time like the early hours of the morning to magnify trifling troubles into insurmountable problems. My brain actively invents problems when I'm trying to sleep, and then won't shut up about them. What am I going to do about my 'problems' when it's 2AM and I'm meant to be asleep?

The rational part of me knows how stupid it is to pay my racing-mind a second's attention; but the obsessive part of me says, "Hang on, she might be onto something here." I'm left laying half-awake, thinking at roughly an eighth of my normal capacity, trying to solve problems that really don't exist, and which will look quite frankly laughable in the morning.
Don't believe me? I'll write you a list of the things that have kept me awake over the past three weeks or so (I bet many of you out there have got similarly pointless obsessions).

1. Cannot believe how much better than my old job my new job is. Practise and lack of protocol at my old place were horrendous. (leading on to...) I must have picked up a load of bad habits from working there. No wonder my new workmates were looking at me so strangely today. Maybe should just try to sit very still at new job and not get in anybody's way, but not so still that it becomes obvious that I'm not really doing any work. That will only lead to more bother.

2. Noticed that my friend has started chatting to his ex on Facebook. She was no good, that one. Cheated on him several times and ultimately left him for somebody else. Wonder if they are getting back together? Hope not. Last time I saw her I told her what a slut she was. I can see that being a bit awkward socially.

3. I've got a long drive to work tomorrow. Wonder if my little car is up to doing all these miles? Long journeys mean more risk of being involved in an accident. Better concentrate really hard behind the wheel (although staying awake worrying about driving to work isn't going to help much in that regard).

4. When I start working 5 days a week, how am I going to find time to write? Maybe could hide in stock cupboard at work and do it when nobody is looking. Alternatively, could do it late at night, when I would only otherwise be lying awake in bed thinking about rubbish...

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